The Mother Wound-Why it affects you and how to heal it!

Women have been speaking out recently about abuse that has been happening to women for years, for decades, for more than centuries. Due to this have I been analyzing what is called “The Mother Wound”.

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Theoretically the Mother Wound is the trauma that is passed on psychologically from mothers to daughters. It is a result of the unhealed difficulties and suffering that a woman goes through as a result of living in a patriarchal society. This stress then causes difficulties in the mother-daughter bond which may be subconscious, meaning both mother and daughter may be somewhat unaware of the effects of the negative karma. They may simply sense underlying discord in their relationship.

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I would also like to extend the definition of this to men, as sons of mothers also feel the burden of societal oppression of women, even if seemingly indirectly. And the daughters of those men feel it. So no one who is human is truly free of the oppression that is done to other humans, as we are all connected.

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In a family unit it may look like this: a parent, having seen a woman suffer at the hands of a man in a relationship, whether personally or in one of the many examples in society, will push daughters to succeed in the world out of fear for their safety. They may unconsciously push the daughters with more fervor and urgency, fearing that if the girls do not receive education, and succeed professionally, or marry well, or become very beautiful etc., then the young woman will inevitably lose in a system that is stacked against them. This pressure may seem wise, but to a young woman who needs acceptance from the adults in her life, it may seem overbearing. She may feel that she is in a scramble to succeed in a society that undermines her or devalues her true soul. And instead of being able to develop her true qualities, such as compassion, love, or peace, she feel that she is forced into a rat race for survival in a world that measures success only by material titles, money, property, status or power, and much less by integrity of spirit.

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The same pressures may be present for a young man, born of a woman who experienced the above trauma. The reason that I refer to this as trauma is that this so called encouragement to succeed is often done at the expense of valuing the person’s soul. Their true nature is overlooked. Their spiritual needs are ignored. Simply, there is the rush to gather the world, to win and to survive in a corrupt system. While one could potentially find the balance and live a wonderful worldly experience concurrent with having a healthy spiritual life, this approach is often not encouraged due to the overwhelming weight of the trauma and fears that drive people.

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So what can we do, you ask.

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All is not lost. As a colleague of mine, who I affectionately refer to as Mother Mary, she having all of the grace of that divine female icon, recently said, “Yes. It is time for women to powerfully speak out, but not about how they have been abused, rather about how they are blessed.” She believes in the inherent strength within the woman’s (and human’s) spirit and encourages us to focus upon that. Though society may seem corrupt, she believes that there is an underlying goodness in it all, in the construction of the Universe, and in the human spirit. People can shine in their gracious humanity, loving themselves and the divine soul within themselves, and helping and loving others. Success can be the result of a natural outpouring of the divine grace that fills a faithful, satisfied heart; worldly circumstances bow to a person who has developed their inner self. Gratitude for life and love for humanity can drive a person instead of greed or fear. We can encourage each other, believing in our true value and gifts, as opposed to fearing worldly failure. This shift is happening as women like Mary speak out at global events to remind us who we are.

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To learn how to apply positive thinking in your interpersonal relationships contact me for coaching and healing services!

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